You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
