Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
