Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
