I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
