He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Pants 0. Shit 1.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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