I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
