ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
