Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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