I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
