I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
