I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize