I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
