Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
