I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
