My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
