i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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