The maid of honor just puked.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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