There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
