I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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