ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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