She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize