Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
