if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
