I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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