Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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