I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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