Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
