i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
