You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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