I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
