i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
