You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
