I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
