I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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