Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
