Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
