i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize