What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
