And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
