My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize