i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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