Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
