nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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