member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
