and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
