Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize