i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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