I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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