put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
