The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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