they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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