So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
