well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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