I hope mine doesn't look like that
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
soo... how was my night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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