You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
