Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
