His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
as a side note pls kill me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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