Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
