Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
