i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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