meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
