i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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