I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
