so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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