the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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