"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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