The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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