it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
