Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
