Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
