I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
