He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
