So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
