Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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