i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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