who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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